My Kitchen Saved My Life
How, in the worst possible time of my life, I found healing, comfort, and purpose in everyday cooking. And how my kitchen has been my happy place ever since.
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When I was a young girl and then a young woman, I had a complicated relationship with my mother's kitchen. I didn't like how it was kept and managed. I don't want to talk trash about my mother's kitchen, so I will say that I didn't identify or connect with it. Being a person who is highly motivated by aesthetics, I like things a certain way, so it made me feel uncomfortable.
I told myself I would cook when I had my own kitchen. And that is precisely what happened. It took me a very long time to start cooking because I lived with my mother for a very long time. You see, I'm Guatemalan, born and raised. Guatemala is, in essence, a very conservative country. I'm 44 going on 45. Women of my generation only moved out of their homes once they got married. Things have changed a bit. More young women are living on their own. Still, the majority stay home until marriage. The reasons are nuanced and a topic for another newsletter I will never write about.
When I was 34, I moved to Miami to study. This was the very first time I lived on my own. It was in Miami that my cooking journey began. I would cook simple things because I lived on my own. Still, those simple things were made with a lot of intention. I would share my simple creations on Instagram, and people loved them.
That was my Bon Appetite Magazine and Burrata period. I was obsessed with BA and I put Burrata on everything. I also cooked a lot of pearl couscous and green things with eggs on top. It was also during this time that I was introduced to the wonderful world of Whole Foods back when it was really great. The very first cookbook I bought during my time in Miami was Kinfolk Table. I still consider it one of the most beautiful cookbooks ever made (along with To Asia With Love), and the lentil salad recipe is still one of my favorite ways to cook lentils.
When I returned to Guatemala, I lived alone for a very brief period. I met my now husband, and shortly after, we moved in together. It was with my husband in our home in Guatemala that I seriously started cooking because now I was cooking for two. Then I was cooking for us and our friends and family, and I loved it, and he loved it, and everyone loved it. My husband is also a great cook. We cooked and ate so much that I put on quite a bit of weight. During this time, I discovered Alison Roman, The New York Times Cooking, The Jack's Wife Frieda Cookbook, Alice Waters, and Samin Nosrat, and became obsessed with Wonder Valley Olive Oil. This was a period of learning, experimenting, and sharing.
Then 2020 came. For those of you who have not read my story yet, in the year of the pandemic, I had a baby at 39 weeks who passed away minutes after being born. His name was Walter Kelly Zappin. Four months after our loss, my husband and I moved to Escondido, California. I was grieving the loss of our son, the loss of the life we once had, and the loss of the life I thought we would have. I was away from family and friends. I was sad and alone. I couldn't leave the country because I was waiting for my green card and couldn't work because I didn't have a permit. It was then that I found a refuge in my kitchen.
Cooking daily for myself and my husband made my days much brighter and gave me a sense of purpose. I started collecting cookbooks and testing new recipes at home. I would visit the different farmers' markets (which abound in Southern California) and select the most beautiful produce (hello, Watermelon Radishes). I watched cooking shows on Netflix and started following excellent cooks on Instagram (Laila Gohar, Sophia Roe, Camille Becerra). In my Escondido kitchen, I perfected the art of egg poaching and learned how to make aioli and galettes. I also made a lot of toast with all sorts of delicious things on top. My husband and I rarely went out to eat, so I cooked a lot. This is why I don’t know very much about the restaurant scene in San Diego.
I will say with confidence that cooking saved my life. Cooking has been a gift from God. My kitchen has been my happy place ever since. No matter what, I can go to my kitchen, prepare something delicious and beautiful, and everything will be better. When I sit at the table with my husband, I'm reminded that what is really important in life, I already have.
Then on April 28 this year, my husband and I began a new journey. We moved to Miami to be closer to family. We drove across the country, stopping in different places to see family and friends, and for a few months we lived a nomad life. On June 28, we arrived in Miami. We had to wait three months to move into our home, so we stayed in five different Airbnbs before we finally moved in. Once we did, our kitchen still needed finishing. It wasn't until last weekend that I would cook in our new and beautiful kitchen. I felt alive again! I had family and friends visiting, so it was the perfect way to inaugurate our kitchen.
One of the best things that ever happened to me was to have my own kitchen. This year marks ten years of kitchen independence for me. Throughout these ten years, God has taken me from kitchen to kitchen, and they only keep getting better. I've loved each and every one of them. They all gave me something to cherish forever.
I want to finish this story by acknowledging God's greatness and thanking the Lord for blessing me and my family with a new, beautiful kitchen where new memories will be made. It is a wonderful place where I can be creative and always go to find comfort.
That’s it for today guys.
Thank you for being here, and for reading me. If you enjoy my newsletter, please share it with a friend. Enjoy your Sunday. Love you. Stay cool
xoxo
MC
Ahh Maria! You've inspired me for so long with all the beautiful imagery you capture of your delicious eats. Every time I prepare something and present it sloppily I'm like omg Maria would be horrified she would NEVER hahaha. I wish I was making this up but it's true. With all that being said, I can feel your excitement and am so happy for you that you're finally getting settled in to your new home and new kitchen. I have wanted to try your cooking for SOOO long so you have to have me over one of these days. No excuses now that we live in the same city.
Anyways, love this post and love to read about the beautiful ways God uses the simple every day things like our kitchen to bring us joy, wherever we are.
I currently don’t have a good relationship with food and cooking, but your words inspire me. Thanks Maria!